Thursday, January 13, 2011

He has raised – my higher power sheep has risen:

Awhile back I wrote a post about my higher-power stuffed sheep, (sheep-us) and how as a joke, how I sometimes pray to my higher-power sheep (my higher power stuffed sheep’s ass) and how I invoke the name of my higher power sheep’s-ass, when I purchase lottery tickets and pull-tabs and the likes. I explained about how my higher-power stuffed sheep’s-ass and I had won a $500 pull-tab at a bar, and about the hot streak that we had with the winning scratch lottery tickets months earlier. Then about 3 months ago, I decided to put my higher power stuffed sheep’s-ass to the test again, after the release of 2 new scratch tickets that I found most interesting. One of the tickets costs 5 dollars, and has an 80,000 dollar top prize, and the other ticket costs 20 dollars, and has a top prize of 1 million dollars, and I decided to start playing the games just for fun.

I have known about the inherent problems associated with gambling every since I was a teenager; and I personally believe, that there are far more people addicted to gambling, than there are people who are addicted to drugs – so back when I was a teenager, I had developed a simple strategy for managing the inherent risks of gambling (quit when I’m still ahead). So I started with 100 dollars, and after I had blessed the money in the name of my higher power stuffed sheep’s-ass, I purchased my first 60 dollars worth of tickets, and I won over 400 dollars - by the end of my first week, me and my higher power sheep’s-ass, had really racked up some big bucks. Our hot streak then continued for about the next 5 weeks, but then it got cold, and I had even resigned to the thought that maybe I had been a little too greedy, and my overworked higher power sheep’s-ass had now disowned me, or my higher power stuffed sheep’s-ass, had died or something.

Still having about 70% of the total prizes that I had won while on our hot streak, I simply decided to quit playing the lottery tickets while I was still ahead, and way ahead!

I hadn’t played the lottery tickets in over 3 weeks; however, I always retain all of the tickets that I buy so I can check them again – having dyslexia, I sometimes over look the winning tickets. Numbers like 32, I will see as 23 and 13 as 31 and so on. Then about a week ago, as I was going through a pile of about 50 tickets looking for winners that I might have overlooked, I found 2 five dollar winners, and 1 fifty dollar winning ticket that I had purchased weeks earlier – as I sat there looking at this big pile of worthless lottery tickets, I cried out loud (LOL): “Oh my higher power stuffed sheep’s-ass, why have thou forsaken me?”

Then about 2 hours later, I had went on a planed shopping trip to the store for food and other stuff – and as I was pushing my shopping cart past the lottery vending machine as I was exiting the store, one of the wheels on the shopping cart, started spinning around in circles, and making a sound like a sheep barking – I heard: “Baaaaa, Baaaaa, Baaaaa” so I stopped pushing the cart, and when I looked to my right, staring me right in my face, was my favorite lottery ticket – so without even a second thought, I pulled two 20s out of my wallet, and said out loud (LOL): “in the name of my higher power stuffed sheep’s-ass, I’m going to win money today.”

I then returned home, and about 2 hours later, I scratched the first ticket (020) and discovered that it was a 50 dollar winner, so I had won 10 dollars – I then looked at my higher power stuffed sheep’s-ass, and said out loud (LOL): “only 10 dollars, you cheap fucking sheep.” Then I scratched the other one (021), and found two 500 dollar winners on that ticket – I then spent the next few hours (LOL), praising and repenting to my sheep -- my higher-power stuffed sheep’s-ass moves in mysterious ways!