Monday, January 17, 2011

Christians, penis-god(s) storks and babies:

Back when I was in my teens, and learning about religion and mythology, I came across the religion of the penis God(s). The religions which are based around the penis deities, are both many in numbers, and worship of the penis gods, are varied from simple rituals, to complex in nature. Almost all of the rituals, involved food offerings and treats, which were usually place at the base of a huge wood or stone penis, or placed in front its balls, (if it has balls I would guess) – some of the penis gods, were as tall as 30 feet in height. In some Asian cultures, it was common for young married couples, to pay the penis-god a visit, on their way home from their wedding - and then pray to this big fucking cock for children (I thought, just how in the hell, would you know, just what in the fuck a huge cock likes to eat?)

Then I was amazed to discover, that even in the 1970s, folks all over the world were still worshiping the penis gods – and in one such village somewhere in Asia, the folks believe that only the penis-god could give a couple a baby. These people lived in the South Pacific, and had been walking around nude or half nude for 1000s of years, and of course having sex and babies; but no one had made the connection between having sex and making babies – they simply believed that feeding and worshiping, a big stone cock was how they gotten their babies – I thought, WTF, even Christians are not that stupid – but, boy was I wrong!

I had a close friend who lived on the other side of town, who had a family of real weird people living next door to him. He said that he had never seen any of the children outside the house before, but he could sometimes hear them screaming in the evenings – so he knew that there were children living in the house, as well as 2 adults. Every morning he would see a man leave the house, and then return in the evenings – he said that the man would be extremely dirty when he returned home, so he thought that the man was going to his job. We would always sit in my friend’s window, and look at this house, and wonder just what might going on over there – was this family like the Adams family on TV – were there blood sucking vampires living in the house (we were both young teens, and both with over active imaginations, I guess).

Then one day my friend calls me on the phone, and tells me that the night before that there was a funeral Hurst parked in front of that house, and they had placed a dead body into the back of the Hurst – he then said that the man had left the house just like he had always done that next morning. About 3 weeks later, my friend and I were sitting in his front yard, when some children came out of the house, then walk a crossed the street , and started talking to us – there were 5 of them, 3 girls and 2 boys, and all between the ages of 14 and 23 – we learned that they were all part of a Mennonite/Pentecostal Christian cult, and that their mom had died, because she had refused to go to the hospital, while she suffered from a long illness – she simply chose to pray to Jesus (this wasn’t exactly what the children had said, but it’s what happened anyway). The children said that they had been home schooled every since birth by their mom – two of them showed us bibles that they had hand copied – their hand writing was incredible, the bibles looked like they had been made on a printing press – and they all could quote bible passages faster than an alley cat could lick its own ass.

Later on in the summer, there was this one girl who was a few years older than me, who lived in that house – who would always come around whenever I was visiting my friend, and I could see that she was hot for me. One day she asked me if she could kiss me, and I said yes, and she started kissing me all over my face. This had gotten me a little excited, and then out of my mouth flew these words, and almost as if I had Turrets Syndrome: “you and I should go and make a baby” i.e.., let’s go and fuck! As she sat there looking at me, a big smile came over her face – and I became even more excited, and hopeful even – at least she hadn’t responded, like most of the other girls that I had used this same line on, had always responded (e.g. “why don’t you just go, and fuck yourself, you little bastard”). Her big smile then turned into laughter, and she said: “I know you’re not that stupid – only God can make babies, and he only gives you one, after you’re married.” As I sat there trying to figure out, just what in the fuck that she was saying, I thought to myself: WTF, she’s almost 17, and she’s still this fucking na├»ve – I’m going to wax this Christian-ass, before the day is over!

I then told her, that I didn’t really want to make a baby with her – and that I only wanted to have sex with her – she then asked me to explain sex to her. She then said that she would do it, but only after both of us had asked Jesus, and she had prayed about it???

Needless to say, I never got that ass, that day, or any other. I later discovered that she and her siblings were almost never allowed to go outside of their house – their mom had thought that the world was just too evil, and Jesus could only protect them if they stayed at home. I found out that they had never owned a television – and that the only radio they had, that their mom had tuned it to Christian-radio, and then removed the tuning knob.

In hindsight, I believe that they were all suffering from mental illness – even the boys had no conception of human reproduction – one of the boys proclaimed that he wasn’t sure if he was a boy or girl – as god can make you either one that he wants to – I didn’t even ask him to explain!